Shortly after I had given up my performing career, I was invited to a Halloween party. I had just spent the last 25 years donning costumes, performing on stage and at hundreds of parties as everything from a Florida retiree to a Star Trek character. The idea of costume and mask was as appealing as a colonoscopy.Â
I put on one of my wigs – a simple page boy with straight black hair and bangs. A white blouse and navy skirt. Red lipstick. The party was in full swing, cowboys, Ghostbusters, Dolly Parton. The host didn’t recognize me. Someone came over to me and asked why I wasn’t in costume. “I am,” I replied. “Who are you supposed to be?” he asked. “Someone else,” I said.Â
We are always playing roles that define our self-image: mother, doctor, failure, Democrat, player, bully, waif, invalid. As P.D. Ouspensky, a Russian philosopher at the turn of the last century  said, “I” am legion.Â
My self-image of a perky, fit and hip woman was shattered one day while riding a crowded NYC subway. I hung onto a pole, and the young man in front of me repeatedly said, “Ma’am? Ma’am?” I suddenly realized he was talking to me. “Would you like to sit down?” he asked. My role had suddenly changed: I was now a little old lady.Â
Moshe Feldenkrais famously said that we move according to our perceived self image. The set of my shoulders, the weight on my feet, the position of my head are invisible to me unless I pay attention. Whether I am a wife, teacher, righteously indignant driver, aging hippy provocateur, or a dancing fool, others perceive me by my carriage, my facial expression and my movement. I simply think of myself as me, but often others see me as “somebody else.”Â
As Halloween approaches, it’s a great time to take stock and ask, “Who am I going to be this year?”
I’ve compiled some of my favorite lessons that explore self image in a 4-lesson bundle you can scroll down to see. Meanwhile, here’s a special little meditation to whet your appetite – less than 10 minutes to look deep inside.Â
See you on the floor,
LaviniaÂ