The other day, I was hiking along Laurel Creek. In the summer, I always bring a bag for wild discoveries: from porcinis to wine berries. I had forgotten to bring one, so I grabbed my car trash bag. I felt a little silly walking through the woods swinging my little trash bag, especially because there didn’t seem to be a mushroom in sight and some other hikers had obviously cleaned out the blackberry patch. But I KNEW they were there. My eyes raked the clearings, I lost interest in conversation. I had become The Huntress, the woman on the prowl, and mere conversation became trivial. Someone told me to give it up and just enjoy the walk.
And then I saw one bolete. It was well past its prime. Sodden, bug ridden, collapsing on itself and absolutely inedible. “Looks like you missed the harvest,” someone commented. I picked it up and it disintegrated in my hand. But I knew – where there’s one, there’s more. And suddenly, there were mushrooms everywhere. Every fourth step was a porcini, or one of the delicious milkies. Soon enough, my little auto trash bag was jammed and we were walking carrying mushrooms in our hands by the stalks.
It seemed as if we had picked every healthy, edible mushroom along the way. Imagine our surprise to discover MORE MUSHROOMS along the same path on the return trip. Chanterelles suddenly appeared. I gleefully gathered more, stuffing them in my friends’ pockets. “You see,” I gloated. “I KNEW there would be mushrooms. When there is no doubt, you manifest what you desire – I just needed to carry a bag.” “Hmmph” said one person. “If that’s the case, why are you wasting your time manifesting mushrooms? Why aren’t you manifesting money?” Properly chastened, I turned to walk down the path. Sitting on the path in front of me was $15.
I wasn’t sure whether the universe was thumbing its nose at my friend, or at me. I found myself casting surreptitious glances on the trees to see if they would suddenly sprout cash. It is a holographic universe after all, and anything at all can happen. But alas, my compatriots’ belief system cancelled out any potential miracles and no more money appeared.
I was raised to believe that money was scarce and that I was a have not. Any time it seemed like things were looking up, even a bit, something went down – the car broke down, I was felled by bronchitis, the ceiling fell down (honest to god, the ceiling fell down in the house). It was as if the universe itself was conspiring to keep me down. Finally one day, when I was feeling particularly triumphant about having actually paid more than the minimum on my escalating credit card bill, I went ice skating, did a twirl and fell with a crash on the ice. I dislocated a rib and was in horrible pain.
I finally gave in and went to the chiropractor, who set me straight and told me I’d have to come back a few more times. I burst into tears. “I can’t!” I wailed. “I can’t afford it! I am so broke I can’t even pay attention! I don’t even have enough money for groceries. What am I going to do?” I wept. The chiropractor shrugged . “Then don’t pay me.”
My head shot up. “What?”
“Money is just another form of energy. If you don’t pay me, I’ll get the money from somewhere else. Or you’ll pay in some other way. Everything in life is paid for, money is just one kind of currency.”
I was utterly shocked. She wasn’t giving me a handout. She was giving me a lesson. I went home dazed. If I haven’t been paying cash for things, what the heck was I paying with? I sat down and wrote down how I spent each day. I realized that I spent a good hour a day worrying. Worrying about the bills. Worrying about my career. Worrying about the future. Could it be possible? “I am rich, “ I thought. “I’m loaded with worry. I’m rolling in negativity. I have a wealth of fears. If I spent half the time focusing on allowing money into my life that I spend penny pinching and angsting, I’d probably be a millionaire!” Time became a currency. Emotional energy became a currency. It was clear I was wasting time and emotional energy. Was it possible, that in spite of all my apparent efforts, I was wasting money as well?
You bet! I was wasting money on interest payments, late payments and penalties. I was wasting money repairing a car that should have been replaced years ago. I was wasting money on cigarettes that I thought I needed to calm me down. I was wasting money on gas driving to perform at gigs I didn’t want to do, eating take out food because I had no time to pack a lunch. Suddenly everywhere I looked, I realized I was leaking cash. I was a money sieve.
If all you need to manifest mushrooms is a bag, what do you need to manifest cash? My Dad used to make fun of people who believed they could just get rich. “Sure thing, just open your wallet and let the cash fly in!” Of course! It’s the wallet! If I never open my wallet, nothing can enter, right? And if each time I open the wallet, it’s laced with worry ….. I decided to invest in something positive and enrolled in a training for the Feldenkrais Method. The next day, out of the blue, I was offered a fabulous job working for the Guggenheim Museum that paid my entire tuition for the next four years. Later, as I was struggling to develop my practice, it felt like money was flying out, nothing was coming in. An inner voice kept telling me to go to India, but I refused because “I couldn’t afford it.” I got so sick I couldn’t work, even if there was any work to be had.
Heeding the lesson, I bought a ticket to India with my credit card and went with borrowed cash. When I returned, flat broke, but absolutely inspired, I once again got an unexpected call, this time to join a medical practice and start their movement education division.
I realize it’s not just about emptying the wallet. It’s about being ready for it to be filled. Like the mushroom bag, I need to KNOW that the cash is there waiting for me. And it’s a skill. You can’t just pick any mushroom. And you have to be in the right environment, mushrooms don’t grow on sidewalks and money doesn’t grow on trees. If I spend my energy wisely, I am amply rewarded – with cash, friends, health and learning. If I waste energy, close off my wallet, tighten my heart, there is no flow. Things stagnate and poverty ensues – poverty of the heart as well as the pocketbook.
Once I became a Feldenkrais teacher, I found many of my students needed a chiropractor. Guess who I referred them to? That chiropractor’s investment in me yielded way more than I would have paid her alone. I remembered the law from High School physics – energy can never be created or destroyed. It can only be transformed. With just a change of attitude, anyone can transform the energy of worry into the energy of money. Just open your wallet and let the money fly in.
YOU are BRILLIANT. Thank you for letting us all enjoy the overflowing of your abundance. Writing is clearly a vehicle for your brilliant mind to take flight. Bathing in your stardust ;-D
Wow, thanks! Now, what to do with that brilliance?